


I took a trip out to the frozen lake (and you felt so far away)

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Feelings, Fluff, Future Fic, Getting Together, M/M, Not Beta Read, Romantic Fluff, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-07-31 07:01:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20111050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: "So. What now?""I'm not sure. I thought about staying in Toronto for a moment, maybe? Actually, I wanted to ask if maybe I could do something in the club? I could help you out, anything-""There's always a place for you in the club." Brian said, but then his gaze turned thoughtful "Yuzu, I don't want to meddle, but... when was the last time you talked to Javi?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [estriel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/gifts).

> Just a little think I've written, it's been a weird day and I guess I needed that hah  
Title from 'Fireworks' by First Aid Kit.  
This work is dedicated to the lovely estriel, I hope you enjoy this little piece :*

"Lift your chin for a second, please." the makeup lady said and Yuzuru did what she asked, a brush sweeping on his jaw and neck "Okay, thank you. I think we're done here?"

Yuzuru looked into the mirror and he was guessing that yes, everything looked good. She had managed to hide the shadows under his eyes, and he thought that he was looking healthier than during past few weeks. Magic of makeup, magic of television.

"Thank you." he smiled at her, catching her gaze in the mirror, and she nodded.

"I'll let them know you're ready."

Yuzuru hummed quietly with acknowledgement and then tilted his head a little, looking at himself closely. He looked younger than thirty, but inside he was feeling older, probably somewhere around forty. At least it was how he was feeling in that exact moment, a few moments from changing his world forever.

Was he really going to do that?

His reflection looked back at him with all the calmness in the world, and Yuzuru smiled slightly, his lips curling up a little. He had thought it would be more scary, that moment, that he would have doubts, that there would be tears. But no, he was looking at himself, calm and sure, and he was... excited. It would be finally done, and that weight that was on him for so long would be finally off.

"Nervous?"

Yuzuru flinched, surprised, and then smiled wider when he saw who just stopped behind him.

"Not really." he said, turning around in a chair and meeting Brian's kind eyes "I just want to do it already."

"I see." Brian nodded, his smile encouraging, and Yuzuru felt a spark of affection burning inside his chest.

"Thank you, for being here. It means a lot." he said honestly "I'm... happy I'm not here alone."

"Of course."

"Maybe we could go for some thank you dinner later. To catch up." Yuzuru offered and Brian's expression turned a bit surprised, but he nodded immediately.

"I'd love to-"

"Excuse me." one of the producers said, stepping inside the room "We're going live in five."

"Well, that's my time." Yuzuru chuckled, jumping off of the chair "Wish me luck."

"You've got this." Brian smiled and Yuzuru knew that yes, he did.

* * *

The first thing Yuzuru did after finishing the interview was calling his mom.

"Hello, Yuzu." she said quietly "Is it over?"

"Yes." he gripped his phone tighter and sighed "How are you, how's everyone?"

"We're good. Aunt Fuyuko says hi."

"Give her a hug from me."

A moment of silence, and Yuzuru wished she could be there with him, hug him and tell him that she was supporting him.

He knew that she was on his side, as always, but he couldn't ask her for anything more anymore, because she had already given so much.

"Have you decided what do you want to do now? Stay in Canada, or maybe come back home?"

"I don't know yet." Yuzuru sighed; he heard approaching footsteps and he saw Brian, who stopped nearby, smiling at him with that fatherly smile of his "Maybe I would stay in Toronto for a bit, maybe Brian let me do something at the club."

"That would be nice." she said softly "I miss you, sweetheart and... I'm proud of you. We all are."

It was the first moment that day when Yuzuru felt somewhat close to crying, and he blinked quickly, trying not to let that happen.

"Thank you." he said quietly "I love you."

"I love you too."

The call ended and Yuzuru exhaled deeply, his shoulders dropping, and he looked at Brian, smiling a little.

"So, what do you think?"

"I think that you were great. It was very... genuine."

"That's what I was coming for." Yuzuru chuckled "So, dinner still stands? My hotel has a nice restaurant, and I think I need a drink-"

"Wow." Brian chuckled as they started walking towards the exit "This is something I've never thought I'd experience that. You wanting to hang out, and talk about alcohol." he shook his head, sending Yuzuru a fond glance "I wish Javi was here, it would be like a good team meeting-"

He kept on saying something, his tone light and kind, but Yuzuru couldn't hear him for a second, everything becoming muffled by the loud beating of his heart, blood pulsing in his temples.

It was the same, even after so many years. Rapid heartbeat, clenched throat, and that aching sensation coiling inside his chest.

"Yeah." he nodded, pushing through it all, like he had learned long time before "It could be nice."

Maybe, one day.

* * *

"That was really brave, you know." Brian said, taking a sip of his whiskey, and Yuzuru shrugged.

"I don't think so. It was just something I felt I had to do."

"You did?"

"I-" Yuzuru smiled, fiddling with his glass "I realized that if I wanted to live my life how I want, I had to speak up. It took me a long time, but I finally got there. And that's why I'm here." he shrugged again "And it's not as scary as I thought it would be. Because what can happen now, some headlines screaming  _ Olympic champion reveals his sexuality in a shocking interview _ ." Yuzuru said mockingly before snorting quietly "It's not something I care about anymore."

Brian looked at him for a moment, as if he was taking everything in, and then smiled widely, shaking his head a little, clearly impressed.

"So. What now?"

"I'm not sure. I thought about staying in Toronto for a moment, maybe? Actually, I wanted to ask if maybe I could do something in the club? I could help you out, anything-"

"There's always a place for you in the club." Brian said, but then his gaze turned thoughtful "Yuzu, I don't want to meddle, but... when was the last time you talked to Javi?"

Yuzuru should had expected a question like that, but it still caught him off- guard, and he couldn't stop wondering what Javi would think after seeing that interview, or reading about it. What-

Yuzuru inhaled sharply, shaking his head and looking back at Brian, trying his best to smile carelessly.

"We had some shows together, in the summer."

"It's November, Yuzu." Brian said gently and Yuzuru couldn't pretend anymore, and he let his expression turn into a pained grimace.

"I don't know what to tell you, Brian." he said, his voice thick "I don't call him. He doesn't call me, it is how it is and-"

"It wasn't always that way, was it?" Brian asked quietly and Yuzuru swallowed hard.

He took a big sip from his glass, strong liquid going down his throat and making the fire inside him even more painful.

"He tried once, you know? After Sochi. And... I laughed at him, because I didn't think he was serious. And then we were friends, and it felt so damn good, Brian, and I didn't think that it could ever end and then-" he cut himself off, because there was something raising in his throat, bitter and awful, and he took another sip, wincing.

"And then it ended." Brian finished for him softly, and Yuzuru chuckled humorlessly.

"It never started. I never ever told him- it doesn't matter. He has his own life now."

"He does." Brian agreed "But you still can be a part of it."

"Nahhh." Yuzuru shook his head "He doesn't need that."

"And he's not the reason you just did all of that?"

"He..." Yuzuru swallowed hard, and then suddenly felt like smiling, genuinely "Thinking about him made it easier. And you know... maybe someone, in the same situation, would have some more courage."

"That's a really great thing." Brian smiled, and after a moment of silence he changed the topic, talking about the club, his plans. Yuzuru was grateful for that, and he was grateful for Brian's concern, but it was something he didn't want to talk about, even with his old coach.

It was only about him and his memories, words that he had never said and feelings that remained unchanged.

He wasn't drunk when he stepped inside his room, but also not feeling strong enough for taking a shower; so he just got rid off his shoes and pants and dropped on the bed, letting out a quiet groan when his head hit the pillow. There were colorful dots dancing under his eyelids and when he opened his eyes there were two tears running down his cheeks and disappearing in soft cotton.

It had been such and exhausting, draining day, and only now he was finally left alone with his own- a bit blurry- thoughts.

He had really done that. There was no coming back.

He sniffled quietly before rolling to the edge and grabbing his pants, fishing his phone out of a pocket and going back to his previous position. He had turned the data off in the morning, so he wasn't attacked with a wave of notifications. There were only a few texts from some of his friends and one missed call from Saya. He didn't feel like calling her now, and his fingers were already moving on their own, opening his contacts.

He didn't think about it, when he tapped _connect_.

Yuzuru sniffled again when a blank voice told him to leave a message, and he stared at the ceiling, at spots of light sneaking through the crack in between curtains, and everything hurt, a little.

"Hi Javi." he said, swallowing over his dry throat, his mind turning a bit dizzy "I'm sorry for the hour, you're sleeping, I just... I did something crazy today, you know? Maybe you already know, listening to that, I just thought I would... I just-"

There was more tears, suddenly, and Yuzuru closed his eyes, wondering how much time he had left.

"You know, I was thinking about someone lately. About one boy I knew, long time ago. He is very special, you know? And he taught me so much, about... everything. That it's okay to cry, and to seek comfort. He always made me laugh..." Yuzuru's voice hitched in his throat, and he wasn't even sure if his mumbled words were understandable, but he couldn't stop himself now, every cell in his body screaming at him to get going, because it was his last and only chance.

"He showed me how to open up for others. He showed me how it feels to love someone, and he-" Yuzuru chuckled wetly, something inside him breaking "He even taught me-"

He was cut off by a long beep announcing his that the time was up, and Yuzuru out a frustrated whine, throwing it aside and not really caring what would happen to it.

Now, he just wanted to sleep, and gather a little bit of strength to face the next day.

* * *

When he woke up, there were two sounds he could hear- a quiet beeping of his phone and loud hammering inside his head. He groaned, sleep half awake and not aware of anything, but he sobered up instantly the moment he saw notification.

_ 1 new text from Javi _

Yuzuru gasped loudly as everything came back to him, the previous day, the night call, and his stomach churned as he tapped the screen anxiously, not ready for whatever the message was saying.

_ I saw the interview, you were amazing. If you don't want to go back to Japan yet or don't have any plans, it would be cool if you came here. I have a spare room, and we could catch up. And talk. I would really love to see you. _

Yuzuru kept on looking at it for what felt like long minutes, his chest growing tight as he tried to process what was right in front of him.

And then, he picked up the hotel phone and ordered a taxi to an airport.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I apparently lied about the chapter count? It wasn't my intention but it just happened *hides*

Yuzuru narrowed his eyes, trying to distinguish his suitcase from all those other ones circling on a carousel at the baggage claim. He wished he had bought something in a different colour, so now he wouldn't be standing like that, staring awkwardly and almost stealing someone else's luggage a few times.

He was so exhausted his vision was blurry, and he was feeling so weak he wasn't even sure how he was standing, and how would he be able to pick it up. He had spent last forty hours in planes and airports, with two layovers, one five hours delay and one terrible flight with crying toddler kicking his seat. And now he was there, in Madrid, looking like a mess, feeling exhausted and weak, and totally detached from the real life. He basically hadn't checked his phone all that time, if not counting a few short texts to Brian and his parent, and one a bit longer to Javi, with the details of his flight. Javi had promised to pick him up, and Yuzuru felt how everything inside him trembled anxiously.

Would Javi want like to talk about the call right away? Or maybe wait a little? Or maybe he wouldn't talk about it all, because maybe for Javi it was just a friendly visit, for the sake of good old times?

Yuzuru dragged his suitcase to the nearest washroom and sighed tiredly, looking in the mirror. He was looking just like he was feeling, pale and drained out, his clothes rumples and hair a total disaster. He sighed again, leaning to open his suitcase and taking out his small bag with toiletries and a fresh t- shirt, and he quickly worked on making himself look a little bit more presentable. Ten minutes later he wasn't thrilled with the result, but at least he smelled much better.

That was no interview, no tv, and there was no makeup or costume. It was only him, with shadows under his eyes, hair that needed washing and a worn- out tee shirt with a logo of one of many ice shows he had taken part in. He shook his head, giving himself one more glance before exiting the washroom and heading toward the main hall of the airport.

It was even more crowded, and Yuzuru stopped in the middle, looking around helplessly, feeling small and out of place. He looked around, a lump forming in his throat, and he wondered what to do in case Javi wouldn't show up, what if something had happened-

"Hi, Yuzu. I almost didn't notice you."

Yuzuru froze, goosebumps appearing on the back of his neck, and he turned around very slowly, and his breathing hitched, heart almost jumping out of his chest.

Javi looked good, his face maybe a bit thinner than Yuzuru remembered. But his eyes and smile were the same, bright and warm and honest, and Yuzuru just kept on looking at him, drinking in the sight of him, as if he was staring at an eighth wonder of the world.

Javi chuckled, quietly and shortly, and only then Yuzuru realized he hadn't said anything yet.

"Hello." he managed to get out, his voice thick with exhaustion "Hi, I-"

Javi smiled even wider, gentle and encouraging, and Yuzuru forgot how to speak again, and he felt his cheeks heating up, hot and embarrassing; he bit his lower lip, questioning everything he had ever done, but then Javi stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Yuzuru in a hug. It was so warm and familiar, despite so much distance that had gotten in between them.

Javi's scent was familiar too, a mix of plain soap and some fresh, citrus shampoo, mixing with some distinct thing that was just  _ Javi _ . His heartbeat was strong and steady against, Yuzuru's, his arms strong and warm, and Yuzuru never wanted to let go, just nuzzle against Javi's neck and pretend that he didn't have to say anything, that it was enough.

But then the moment ended and Javi was pulling away, his smile kind and easy as always.

"Come, I managed to park nearby. It might take us some time, there probably will be some traffic. You can nap in a car, I swear I'm a careful driver, no sudden brakes and stuff."

"I trust you." Yuzuru smiled, the words leaving a weird aftertaste in his mouth. He still couldn't quite grasp that it was really happening, that he was in Madrid, heading to Javi's apartment while the world was probably still going mad about his last interview. It was almost funny, how he didn't care about that at all, what they were saying and thinking. His family was taking a well- deserved vacation at his aunt's place, so he was sure that they wouldn't have any unpleasant experiences.

The sun was shining brightly, and the moment Yuzuru sat in the passenger’s seat of Javi’s car, he felt warm rays falling on his face and he closed his eyes, relaxing instantly, letting out a quiet sigh.

“Yeah, that’s what I was talking about.” Javi chuckled, starting the engine, and Yuzuru opened his eyes with difficulty. He wanted to apologize, and maybe engage in some conversation, but his eyelids were so heavy, and his throat felt like filled with cotton. So he gave up, closed his eyes again and fell into a shallow slumber. 

It was warm, but not too warm, and the seat was surprisingly comfortable, and the headrest was supporting his head really well. He was really aware of Javi sitting right next to him, of his fingers pattering on the steering wheel and quiet hums he let out from time to time. 

He lost track of time, trapped in that small bubble, and his dizzy, half- awake mind forming some dreamlike scenarios he couldn’t grasp. 

The car slowed down, basically coming to a stop, and Yuzuru cracked his his eyes open, only a bit, enough to see a line of cars till the horizon. He let out a muffled sigh and closed his eyes again, sleepy and weak.

“It’s always like that in here, but should defuse quickly.” Javi said and Yuzuru hummed with acknowledgement. If it depended from him, he could spend half of the day like that, or more, or maybe the whole eternity. 

Yuzuru heard how Javi shifted, fabric rustling, and a second later Yuzuru felt a warm hand caressing the side of his neck, gentle fingertips tracing his skin and then moving to cup his cheek. Yuzuru moaned softly, dizzy, leaning into the touch, and Javi chuckled warmly, his thumb moving soothingly. 

They didn’t say anything, and they didn’t look at each other, but it was so much, sitting in a warm car, Javi’s hand pressed against his cheek, warm and calloused, and just in the right place. Everything felt easy, and everything felt possible, and Yuzuru felt drunk with exhaustion and warmth and intimacy, and he turned his head to nuzzle against Javi’s palm, his lips just brushing over the warm skin. Javi’s breathing hitched, and there was more shuffling, and Yuzuru wanted to open his eyes, but then there was a roar of an engine in front of them, and Javi flinched, pulling back and moving his hand away. 

“And there we go.” he said, his voice same as always, but when Yuzuru forced his eyes open, he saw that he was biting on his bottom lip, his expression thoughtful. 

Yuzuru smiled to himself, and leaned his head against the headboard, letting himself to be lulled to sleep by the sound of engine and Javi’s regular breath.

His head was feeling heavy when he woke up in the car parked in front of Javi’s building. For a moment he was no idea what was going on, and he blinked slowly, confused.

“Welcome back.”

Yuzuru flinched, Javi’s voice sounding loud, and he turned to look at him, still dizzy with sleep, but his heart was very awake, beating at the quick pace.

“How long was I out?” he muttered and Javi shrugged.

“A bit.”

Judging by the position of the sun, it was a few hours since he had landed, and Yuzuru wondered how much time they were sitting in that parked car, Javi waiting patiently for him to wake up. He opened his mouth to ask, but Javi was quicker, smiling at him brightly. 

“So, we can go upstairs now.”

Yuzuru nodded, and then slowly followed him to the second floor of the building and then inside the apartment. Javi showed him his guest room, small and tidy, and then pointed the bathroom door. 

"I bet you dream about shower. I left you a clean towel, and you can use whatever you need. I will go make you something to eat-" 

"I'm not hungry." Yuzuru said quietly and Javi clicked his tongue with disapproval. 

"Well I don't care, you spent last I don't know how long traveling, I don't want you to pass out."

Yuzuru knew that there was no point arguing, so he just nodded and then went to the bathroom, feeling much more awake than before. 

It took him a moment to find the perfect water temperature, and he breathed out softly when he felt warm water running down his body, familiar and soothing. 

It started to feel real, then, and Yuzuru fully understood that he was standing in Javi's shower, using his shampoo, and than in a few minutes they would talk, and maybe something would be clear, finally. 

Yuzuru swallowed hard, stepping out of the shower and glancing in the mirror for the second time that day. He looked a bit better, but there was still a shadow of anxiety visible in his expression. 

It was almost funny; he hadn't been scared to tell the entire world that he liked men, but a prospect of having a serious conversation with Javi was giving him breathing problems. 

He had to do it, though, he was there for that. He had to be brave. 

"Hey, I was scared you fell asleep in there." Javi chuckled when Yuzuru entered the kitchen "Here, there's tea and some salad with chicken. Chicken is okay, right?" 

Yuzuru just nodded silently as he sat down on one of the chairs slowly. His throat was clenched, stomach twisted into a tight knot, and he wasn't sure if he would be able to swallow anything. He took a hesitant sip of his tea before looking at Javi, who was standing close, leaning against the kitchen sink and watching him intently. 

"Chicken no?" he asked with all seriousness and Yuzuru felt both like laughing hysterically and running away. 

"In a moment." he muttered and then cleared his throat "Javi, I… Thank you inviting me here." 

Javi smiled, tilting his head a little, playful sparks dancing in his eyes. 

"Thank you for calling me." he said and Yuzuru gulped, looking down, his cheeks turning pink. 

Of course, they had to talk about that call, and Yuzuru's heart stuttered anxiously, because it had been messy and scattered with tears, and-

"It was really brave, you know? What you did." Javi said, his voice turning gentle "I'm proud of you." 

"If I was brave, I would have done that in Japan." Yuzuru muttered and Javi sighed quietly. 

"Don't do that, Yuzu. I just- I'm happy for you. And I need you to remember that I'm here, whenever you need me." 

His face was kind and open, eyes sparkling from behind the glasses, and Yuzuru felt dizzy with longing and hope. 

"Javi." he whispered, the name rolling off of his tongue and hanging in the space between them, a bridge Yuzuru needed so bad to cross all that distance that past years had put in between them. 

"Javi." 

A key, a prayer, a mantra, and Javi's smile dimmed a little, and there was something about the way his jaw clenched that told Yuzuru that he was going to say something important. 

Javi looked at him for a moment before slowly closing the distance between them and stopping next to Yuzuru's chair, looking at him softly and seriously. 

"Stand up." he said gently and Yuzuru did just that, but before he could even look at Javi properly, he felt warm hands on his cheeks and a forehead pressed against his, and he gasped, surprised and trembling. 

"You know-" Javi whispered, his breath warm and fluttering against Yuzuru’s lips "There was a boy, once, a very special one. And I learned a lot of things from him." 

Yuzuru sobbed quietly, tears starting to flow, and Javi hummed quietly, stroking his cheeks gently before continuing in a trembling voice. 

"He made me wait for him so long I gave up a few times. But I never stopped hoping that he would come to me." 

Javi pulled back only a little, so they could look at each other, and Yuzuru noticed that his eyelashes were wet too. 

"You took your time, Yuzu." he said, smiling wetly, and it snapped inside of Yuzuru, the realization what it really was. 

"Javi." he sobbed and then he was in Javi's arms, their lips meeting as they reached for each other at the same time. 

It was clumsy and wet, and so much better than Yuzuru had ever imagined. Javi tasted faintly of coffee, peppermint and tears, and Yuzuru felt intoxicated already, like he was never going to get enough. Dizzy and lightheaded, he nibbled on Javi's bottom lip, delighted by the choked out gasp he heard in return. It was electrifying and overwhelming, and Yuzuru thought that it was worth it, everything he had done, to just get to that moment, finally. 

They had to pull apart at some point, breathless and smiling, with signs of tears still visible on their faces, and Yuzuru thought absently that Javi had never looked more beautiful. 

"I'm sorry." Yuzuru whispered, touching the corner of Javi's lips, because he could, he could- "I'm sorry, for taking so much time." 

"It's okay." Javi smiled, a million stars shining in his eyes as he wrapped his fingers around Yuzuru’s wrist, caressing tender skin there "It all went just like it should."

Yuzuru smiled back, dozens of butterflies fluttering in his chest. He slowly reached to take Javi's glasses away, putting them on the table carefully before looking at Javi again. 

"Can I stay with you?" 

Javi exhaled softly, caressing Yuzuru's brow, his smile tender and nostalgic. 

"However long you want."

"You know-" Yuzuru swallowed hard, leaning in just a little bit "- there's pretty loud about me right now. I don't want you to-" 

"Yuzu, there is only you. I don't care about anyone else." 

“You- you do-” he breathed out shakily, his shoulders trembling, and Javi pulled him closer, putting one arm around his waist and other hand on the back of Yuzuru’s head, cradling him in his arms.

“I do.” 

Suddenly it wasn’t even a question anymore, it was just… the truth, and Yuzuru could see it, and he felt it, and he didn’t remember how it was to feel scared, anymore. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what this is but I hope you enjoy?

Yuzuru was floating.

Floating in the ocean of something warm and soft like cotton, securing him, making him feel weightless. He wasn’t sure where he was and what was happening, but he was completely fine with that, content and weightless.

He sighed contentedly, and he heard some quiet, muffled sound right next to his ear, and that made Yuzuru slowly climb out of his daze. His back was pressed against something warm and solid, there was a steady weight on his hip and something hot and fluttering against his nape.

“Wake up.”

Yuzuru whined and turned on his stomach, nuzzling against the pillow, determined to go to sleep again.

A chuckle, shifting, and warm lips pressed to the side of Yuzuru’s neck.

“Yuzuuu.”

“Go awayyy.”

“Oh really?” Javi chuckled, grabbing Yuzuru’s shoulers and turning him to his back “You slept for more than twelve hours, you need to wake up for your own good.”

Yuzuru opened his eyes, finally, and saw Javi leaning over him, smiling widely.

Yuzuru blinked, his heart clenching, and Javi tilted his head, making a funny face.

“What, you’re not going to pout at me?” he asked jokingly and Yuzuru licked his lips before slowly reaching to touch Javi’s face. His cheek was warm, a little rough from the stubble, and so, so real. And Yuzuru’s heart stuttered, because it all came back to him; the interview, the call, the awfully tiring journey across the world, the talk, and all the kissing, and Yuzuru couldn’t quite believe it was all real, his lazy mind refusing to accept the facts.

Facts being, that he was in Javi’s apartment in Madrid.

Facts being, that he was in love with Javi, and apparently Javi was in love with him too, for some unknown reason, for so many years.

It was unbelievable, so unbelievable that Yuzuru’s eyes were suddenly filled with tears, and Javi’s expression softened in a blink of an eye.

“Hey, it’s all good.” he murmured, wrapping his fingers around Yuzuru’s delicate wrist and pressing a kiss there, mouthing over his pulse point "You're with me, so everything is good."

Yuzuru let out a muffled sound, something between a whine and a sob, and Javi chuckled warmly, leaning in to kiss his neck softly.

"I've a proposition." he whispered, one hand sneaking under Yuzuru's shirt and caressing his hot skin "We go and eat, then we shower, and we can cuddle all day.”

"Yeah?" Yuzuru breathed out, tugging at Javi's hair to make him look up "But I have two questions."

"Shoot."

"First, don't you have work?"

"I took three days off." Javi grinned, poking Yuzuru's nose "So I have stuff to do only a day after tomorrow."

"You- really?" Yuzuru asked, and he didn't even know why he was surprised.

"Of course." Javi snorted, kissing his cheek "And the second question?"

"Uhh." Yuzuru mumbled, his heart fluttering, and suddenly the words in his head didn't sound as sexy as he had initially thought "Nevermind."

"Oh no no no." Javi laughed "Come on." he tickled Yuzuru's ribs and making him squeal.

"It was, you know-" he stammered breathlessly "- about, uh, showering? Together?"

Javi stared at him for a second before grinning widely, his eyes shining.

"You just have to ask."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Wouldn't it be... too soon?"

"Oh Yuzu." Javi shook his head, cupping Yuzuru's cheek and caressing it gently "I was waiting for you for years, there is not such a thing as too soon, at least for me."

Yuzuru's heart stammered, emotions crashing inside his chest. There were so many questions he still had to ask, and so many things he had to say himself. There would be laughter, and probably some tears, and finding each other in that whole new situation.

"So-" Javi hummed, tilting his head and smiling sunnily "You like eggs? It's more lunch time though, so we can add some avocado, make it fancy-"

Yuzuru liked eggs, and he liked avocado as well, and Javi was a true master of preparing them. They ate, feet touching under the table, and then they showered- not together, not yet, because Yuzuru had a nagging feeling that seeing Javi naked could lead only to one thing, and Yuzuru decided that for now he wanted to cuddle and talk more.

Javi had changed the sheets and Yuzuru caressed the smooth sheet as he sat down on the bed, biting his lower lip and looking around. He hadn't really paid attention to Javi's room the night before, too tired and overwhelmed. But now he could get to know that piece of Javi's space, and he was taking all information greedily. It was a nice room, with a big window, walls painted in warm shade of yellow. It was a bit cluttered, but not really messy, and there was some specific, cozy feel to it.

"What's the verdict?" Javi asked, standing in front of Yuzuru and smiling "Can be?"

"Can be." Yuzuru nodded before moving to the middle of the bed, looking at Javi expectantly.

Javi's expression shifted a little, and he slowly took his glasses off, putting them on the desk. Then he looked at Yuzuru, and his eyes were holding so much emotions Yuzuru's heart stopped for a second before resuming its rapid rhythm. He watched, his throat dry, as Javi slowly made his way to the bed and kneeled in front of Yuzuru, looking at him intently before gently taking Yuzuru's face in his hands, warm and calloused. He hummed quietly, chewing on his bottom lip as his travelled across Yuzuru's face, as if he was looking for something.

And Yuzuru let him do that, unmoved, still, trying to control his breathing. Javi's eyes on him were warm, and Yuzuru could almost feel it, the tingling sensation on his cheeks, lips, on the top of his nose.

"And here you are." Javi whispered, one hand sliding to Yuzuru's shoulder, thumb brushing over his collarbone "I missed you so much, you know?"

"I-" Yuzuru breathed out, leaning closer, feeling Javi's breath against his lips "I think I have an idea."

And then it was only Javi's lips, his hands, and the overwhelming heat of his skin, and Yuzuru let himself drown in that, pushing all the thoughts away and just _ feeling, _truly experiencing all those things he had only dreamed about before. And now he knew how it felt to press Javi against the mattress, to tangle fingers in his hair, to feel his strong, quickened heartbeat. It was intoxicating, Javi's warmth, scent, small gaps and hums Yuzuru was drinking from his mouth.

They kissed until there was no air left in their lungs, and then they kissed again, and again, and again, and it felt like hours, and maybe they were hours, because when Yuzuru exhaled raggedly, falling on Javi's chest, his body was tired and limp, and he was only able to nuzzle against Javi's neck, breathing heavily.

Javi chuckled quietly, the sound vibrating in his chest, and radiating to Yuzuru's bones, filling his muscles with warm, trembling feeling. They didn't say anything, just breathed, and a part of Yuzuru wished he could stay like that always, but there were also questions, coiling in a back of his head, so he made an effort to prop himself on his elbow and look down at Javi.

"Hey Javi?"

Javi smiled at him, sleepy and relaxed, and he slid his hand into Yuzuru's hair, tugging gently.

"Hmm?"

"How long?"

Javi scrunched his nose, as if he didn't quite understand, but then he sighed, his hand sliding to Yuzuru's nape.

"Since you didn't want to date me in 2014." he said easily and Yuzuru blinked, waking up a little.

"You- really?"

He remembered that day, so many years ago, and Javi's teasing smile when he had asked Yuzuru out, and Yuzuru didn't take it serious at all. Only years later he started beating himself over it, even though Javi never showed him any sign of negative emotion.

"Really." Javi smiled, now running his thumb along Yuzuru's eyebrow "It hurt a little bit too much than I had expected, and way too much not to be love."

Yuzuru gaped, staring at Javi with wide eyes, something small and suffocating forming inside his chest.

"I'm sorry." he muttered and Javi clicked his tongue, smiling.

"Don’t be. We were kids, back then, we would have blown it so bad, probably."

"But you still kept on loving me." Yuzuru muttered, playing with a hem of Javi's shirt "Even though there were other people-?"

Javi sighed again, his expression turning serious, and he sat up slowly, moving to sit against the headboard, and pulling Yuzuru onto his lap.

"There were other people." he agreed, and Yuzuru bit his lower lip, suddenly shy "And I loved them. Not as much as I love you, but I did, and- I hope you understand."

"I do." Yuzuru whispered, and his eyes were suddenly burning.

He felt like he should tell Javi, how he had discovered how to love him during one of those cold, lonely nights before the Pyeongchang olympics. Or maybe he should tell him about those long, tiring days he was trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do with his life now. 

"Hey." Javi murmured, caressing Yuzuru's cheek "What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" 

"I-" Yuzuru shuddered as if he was cold, and Javi moved his palm up and down Yuzuru's back "There is… there is a storm outside, and I caused it, and… but I'm here, with you, and-" Yuzuru swallowed hard, his eyes getting wet "Is it real?" 

"Oh Yuzu." Javi breathed out, his expression so soft and loving Yuzuru almost couldn't take it. Javi took one of Yuzuru's hands and pressed it against his heart. 

"You feel it?" 

Yuzuru nodded, lump in his throat not letting him speak. 

"It's a promise, Yuzu." Javi said softly, his eyes shining "You did something very brave, and something very special. And now I'm going to take care of you, okay? And we have all the time, so you can… figure everything out." 

Yuzuru still had so much to learn. How to be in a relationship, how to live in the world that would look at him so differently than before. But he had taken all the steps and all the risks, and now he could finally, maybe, be happy. 

"I love you, Javi." he said quietly, and Javi smiled at him, with that sunny, caring smile he had given him after winning worlds in 2015; Yuzuru wondered why he hadn’t seen that, back then, too caught up in his own misery and belief that he knew everything.

He did, now.

“I know.” Javi whispered, leaning in a closing the distance between their lips “Good thing I love you too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, would love to hear your thoughts!


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